H – Here’s Hair!


Hair-lo mocha lovers! What a beautiful day to discuss the matter of tresses. The subject of hair is one dear to me, and close to my heart so I took a while to compose something that would impart just enough knowledge, without being too wordy. Alright, hair we go (that’s the last pun, you have my word)

Tis said, that a woman’s hair is her crowning glory. That saying is very trite, and it is cliche and it is very true. The way shoes complete an outfit, your hair completes your look. Your hair, more than anything determines the tone of what you’re wearing. It determines if you can even wear said outfit. Have you ever tried on something and asked for an opinion, and someone said to you ‘It doesn’t go with your look”? Have you looked at an outfit yourself in a mirror and something looked off about it, but you couldn’t quite place it? It’s your hair. Hair influences so much, but we don’t realize it because it’s there and we don’t pay much attention to it, save for when we comb it or wash it. Every outfit has a hairstyle that makes it complete. Along with that hairstyle, comes accessories that complete the outfit. With the accessories come the shoes, to top them off. So you see, it’s really a top-to-bottom affair, if one of these things is off, the whole outfit is off balance and you can’t understand why. You’re probably thinking “alright, let’s all calm down here, it’s hair, not quantum physics,” but it might as well be. Personal style and impeccable taste is all in the details. Hair is that one crucial detail that we all manage to overlook (that and nails, but I’ll tackle that later).

So how does one go about making one’s hair play its role? Simple. Read the outfit, then match the hair to it. When you match the hair, match the accessories. Now I don’t mean match the colour, I mean make one complement the other. Here are some basic tips:

  1. If your hair is in an updo, chunky accessories are in order. But remember, one chunky item at a time. If the earrings are huge, tame the necklace and vice versa.
  2. If your hair is free flowing around your shoulders, opt for either a very delicate neck piece or none at all. Earrings must be studs, for your safety and for the sake of tastefulness. Huge earrings and free-flowing hair can be very gauche.
  3. Unless your hair is shaved, don’t pull hair so tight that it lies flat against your scalp. It screams “bitter old hag” and it can be heard for miles.
  4. Know when to go messy, know when to go classy and know when to go simple. If you’re going for a casual stroll or a coffee with your bestie, messy is fine. If it’s more formal, regardless of how cute you look in it, put every stray strand into place (keep rule no 3 in mind though)
  5. Your outfit sets the tone for your hair, and both set the tone for your makeup. Casual outfit = casual hair = casual makeup etc. Don’t wear formal/party make-up with casual hair. It does not compute.
  6. Unless you’re in a costume, do not, do not, DO NOT wear pigtails. If you’re reading this, I assume you’re over 13 therefore, pigtails are officially grounds for a whipping. Whoever told you they were cute is a liar, and you shouldn’t be friends with them.
  7. Braids of any kind, demand simplicity in attire. In fact, if your hairdo is visibly complicated (a chignon is quite complicated but it looks simple) your outfit et makeup should be toned down. The rule of one statement piece at a time applies.
  8. Hair colour: No primary, secondary or tertiary colours. If Crayola makes that colour, it should not feature in your hair. You’re a grown woman, not an angsty teenager. PS: This does not apply to natural redheads.
  9. Please don’t highlight your hair in chunky streaks. Just don’t. We’ve worked very hard to repress the memories of 90s fashion, don’t ruin it.
  10. Hairstyles: Long wavy (not curly) hair, is very lenient. Long straight hair is selective but semi-forgiving. Short hair is borderline cruel in its discrimination.
  11. One hair accessory at a time. Never more. When wearing a hat, your hair MUST be free-flowing or at the very least, loosely gathered in a side-braid. If your hair is out of sight in a hat, you look like you’re balding and unhappy.
  12. Wigs, weaves and extensions: Tasteful and always the colour of your hair. Visibly fake hair is never a good look.
  13. Shaved heads: Tread with utmost care. Amber Rose pulled it off, so did Erykah Badu. But that’s mostly because the hair gods took a nap when that happened. They’re quite awake now.

I could go on and on, but those are the basics. In addition to that, keep your hair clean. Hair, unlike most of the things on your body is dead, it has no self-maintaining mechanism. It’s all up to you, keep it clean. Learn to love the natural texture of your hair, unless yours like mine is simply unmanageabale natural; then alter it just enough to make it manageable but not extremely. For those with weaves, let your hair breathe every other month, your hairline will thank you. Last but not least ladies, in the summer free your hair and let it soak up the rays. In the winter, protect it fiercely. Cold weather is brutal to hair.

Ay! So much for not being wordy! *mops forehead delicately, flexes fingers* Alright then, that’s my schpiel. I will be here same time tomorrow! (See that one was so good, you didn’t even notice it was a pun. Haha.) Toodle-oo!


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